JiveVib

Dear Deidre

I HAD sex with my girlfriend’s younger sister when she was working late.

I feel both proud and ashamed because I took her virginity.

I am 33 and my girlfriend is 23.

We have been together for just over a year and our relationship has been great.

We met through mutual friends and there was a real chemistry from the start.

I have met my girlfriend’s sister on a few occasions.

She has only just turned 16.

I was at my girl’s house one evening as we had arranged to go out and I was picking her up.

Her sister came to the door and said my girlfriend was going to be late back from work but she invited me in.

She made me a cup of tea and we sat in the kitchen chatting.

My girlfriend’s parents had gone late-night shopping so they were out too.

Her sister started asking me about my previous lovers and my past relationships.

She then asked me for advice about sex.

I was a bit taken aback because she is only just 16 and I didn’t want to tell her things she may not know anything about.

She giggled and started to flirt with me.

She’d left her phone on the kitchen table beside me.

When it buzzed with a message, she got up to read it, then leaned over to kiss me.

I kissed her back — I couldn’t help it.

She told me that she liked me and she wanted her first time to be with me.

I resisted at first but I was beginning to get aroused.

She is a lovely girl, tall and slim and with a bubbly personality.

She took my hand and we went upstairs to her bedroom.

We ended up having sex.

I was very gentle.

She says she wants us to do it again but I haven’t been able to look my girlfriend in the eye ever since.

I don’t think she’s suspicious but I know she would dump me if she ever found out.

DEIDRE SAYS: And who could blame her if she did?

You may be breaking no laws by having sex with this girl but what you have done is morally very wrong.

Even if we’re in a great relationship we all feel very attracted to other people sometimes.

Your girlfriend’s sister will have similar characteristics to your girlfriend so it’s not surprising you felt attracted to her.

But you suffered a serious failure of willpower, fuelled by lust.

Your girlfriend has been doubly betrayed by the two people she thinks she can best trust and rely on.

Maybe you’ve been caught up in a younger sibling’s rivalry for her older, more sophisticated sister but step back fast and firmly.

Tell her this must end now with no word to her sister, as it would only distress her.

Learn from this, avoid being alone with her and promise yourself there’ll be no repeat.

That’s what really matters.

Got a problem?  Write to Deidre here.

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

You can also private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

Follow me on Twitter @deardeidre or write to Deidre Sanders, The Sun, London SE1 9GF (please enclose SAE)

My mum has turned into a bitter grandparent

Dear Deidre

My mum spoilt all her other grandchildren this Christmas but bought broken second-hand presents for my kids.

She’s a bitter woman.

I have seven siblings and she falls out with three or four of us at a time.

She’s only speaking to two of us at the moment.

She’s fallen out with me because I didn’t tell her about my promotion at work.

I’m 39 and my mum’s 65.

At the best of times she treats me like something she stepped in.

It’s as if she hates me.

I never want to speak to her again or go to her funeral.

DEIDRE SAYS: How grim.

She probably learned much of her behaviour from her own upbringing.

But that doesn’t excuse it.

Visit her without your children one day and tell her that her treatment has damaged your self-esteem and you’re not going to have that happen to your children.

You’ll feel better getting it into the open.

It’s down to her to change her attitude.

Dear Deidre

I am at the stage in life where I think: “Is this it before I die?”

I’m 54 and my husband is 52.

We have a charmed life.

He still adores me and I don’t want anyone else.

But I’m dying inside.

I don’t want to kiss him, let alone have sex.

He’s aged so much from working so hard for so many years.

It shows in his face and he’s lost all of his hair.

He refuses to have a transplant.

I felt like this in my forties but got over it so I’m hanging on this time.

We are both too young to be sexless.

I feel so shallow.

DEIDRE SAYS:  It’s possible your husband’s appearance so bothers you as it reminds you of your own passing years but you could be lonely if you throw away a loving relationship.

Often women find it helps intensify sexual pleasure to close their eyes.

Give your husband a chance.

Share some sexy touching and allow him to make you feel good.

My e-leaflet 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex will help.

RELATED STORIES

Partner chooses boozing over me

Dear Deidre

My partner spends most of his free time in the pub.

I keep hoping he’ll change but he’s been drinking more in the run-up to Christmas.

I am 43 and my partner is 45.

We met when he came into the fish and chip shop where I worked.

We soon got together and I moved in with him almost a year ago.

I no longer work.

I look after his cats and do all the housework but I don’t know why I bother.

He is in the pub every night after work and at the weekends, too.

We rarely spend time together and this causes rows.

He said he used to go to the pub because he was lonely but now he’s got me and he still goes.

We rarely have sex and when we do it is always on his terms – after he’s had a belly full of alcohol, in the dark, in the same old position.

It’s infuriating.

DEIDRE SAYS: If the pub means more to him than your feelings, then best walk away.

There’s a chance he may sober up when he realises he will lose you.

As things are, you are facilitating his drinking.

My e-leaflet Dealing With A Problem Drinker will help – but set a time limit for him to change or for you to leave.

TOPIC FOR TODAY

SNORING can be a real risk to health as well as keeping your partner awake.

But you don’t have to put up with it.

Self-help measures can enable you both to get a good night’s sleep.

For a copy of my e-leaflet Stopping Snoring email me at problems@:deardeidre.org.

Doubting girl over missing condoms

Dear Deidre

I suspect my girlfriend is cheating on me as there aren’t as many condoms in the jar as there used to be.

I am 27 and my girlfriend is 26.

We’ve been together for two years.

We used condoms for the first 18 months or so, then she started taking the Pill.

That was fine – until she forgot her Pill a couple of days running and only told me after we’d had sex.

We had a bit of a row and she finally agreed she’d take the morning-after pill.

I was going to leave a nice little make-up note to her in the bathroom cabinet when I noticed the jar where we keep the condoms was slightly open.

I could see how few condoms there were – far fewer than when we were using them a few months ago.

Do I say something?
DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t jump to conclusions – maybe she passed some on to a friend in need.

But you won’t be able to simply forget about this, so you have to raise the subject with her.

Just say you saw supplies were down.

Her explanation will either convince you or it won’t – but keep an open mind until then.

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